LAYING A PATH FOR OUR JOURNEY

I was talking on the phone to a friend the other day and we were discussing our relative journeys and what an impact your mental attitude has toward your destination and result. As usual it was a refreshing and enjoyable conversation. While we were talking I was catching him up on my podcast and I had a sudden realisation that I had to share with him and I will now share with you.

Every time you read a book, attend a seminar, or listen to a recording the presenter will say 'I was once where you are, I'm here now, this is how I did it.' It made me realise a few flaws that most of these products have and that is they are always created retrospectively. To explain, if someone has lost a lot of weight, what do they normally do? They write a book. If you need to lose weight, what do you do? You read their book and you'll lose weight doing what they did. Easy, right?

No. The problem is that you will stumble, have challenges, be tempted to fall off the wagon and so on. What you need at this time is a reference that you can turn to, to explain how to overcome these challenges. If the person who has lost the weight had kept a daily diary, that you could read that explained how they overcame the challenge in real-time that would help you more often than not.

Well, I realised that this is what I am doing. I have only started turning my life around three years ago. I still have a way to go, but I am getting it under control and I am keeping a record of my journey in real time. This way you can look back on my journey, where I have recorded my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, challenges, tactics and tools that I've used to keep my momentum.

There are two reasons that I am recording all of my journey in as many formats as possible and that is this.

One; I want you to have a comprehensive record that you can turn to that when you have a challenge that is not just a book, or a CD, but a multi-faceted tool that will give you the greatest chance of success. The more information you have access to and the greater the accessibility, the greater your chance of success.

Two; There is an old tale that has been attributed to Napoleon, Caesar, George Washington and others. I'll use Caesar for this version that goes something like this.

Caesar and his troops had sailed to the enemy shores. The enemy outnumbered them and it was their land. Once the troops were disembarked, Caesar ordered the boats to be burnt. As they stood before the burning ships, Caesar said 'We only have one way way to get home. That is in their boats. If you want to go home, we have to defeat them'. They defeated them and went home in their boats.

I have decided to burn my boats. It has been said that if you make your declaration for success public, you are far more likely to succeed because everyone else is making you accountable. My potential failure is the boat I am burning. The only way I can get home is on the boat of success. Success with my relationship, my career, my money, my health, my mind-set, my children. I want to succeed and I want to guarantee it as much as possible.

Do you fancy burning your boat and maximising your chance of success? Complete the following declaration, copy and paste it into an e-mail and send it to me at the7bigquestions@yahoo.com and we'll encourage each other to succeed, we'll hold each others feet tot he fire and make each other accountable, we'll make sure we succeed. Take a brave step, you know you can do it, come on!

I (your name) of (your address including country) do hereby declare that I will dedicate myself to succeeding in my life, no matter what it takes. I will answer my 7 Big Questions and create a life that enables me to be all I can be so that I may give all that I am to the world. I deserve the abundance that life offers, and will take my share and maximise the time that I have on this earthly plane. This I do declare on this (day) of (month), (year)

Signed (your name)

I really look forward to receiving your e-mail.

Wayne Brown is a facilitator and promoter for life change. Contact him at

the7bigquestions@yahoo.com or www.the7bigquestions.com

or listen to his podcasts at www.the7bigquestions.podomatic.com

ARE YOU OKAY?

I'm going to write a quite serious blog today. This doesn't mean that my other blogs are light-hearted and jovial, no it means that the subject matter is serious. I want to talk about a subject that in Australia where I live, each year claims over 2,500 lives and many thousands more around the world. It is a subject that people seem almost reluctant to talk about, which is a shame because it has more than likely touched every one of us. I know that it has personally touched my life. I'm talking about suicide.

The reason I want to talk about it is that on the 13^th of September in Australia, it is R U OK? Day. This is where we are encouraged to ask friends, family, work colleagues, if they are okay, and start a dialogue that allows them to talk about how they are feeling and may avert them from making that choice.

It was only two years ago that it last touched my life. I have had it before a few times. A friend of mine who I was pretty close to, who lived in Queensland, decided to take this path. He had come out of a painful relationship, met a lady who made him happy and had recently had a child with her. It all seemed like it was picking up for him. Then, one day he saw her and his son off for the day, and when she returned he had taken his life. No signs, no warnings, no note. It still baffles me why he chose that path and saddens me that he couldn't phone to talk to someone who cared.

Now, it may seem that I'm not understanding where he was when he made that decision. I can tell you that I do. I have been there a number of times. I don't tell people these things, because I am inclined to be a private person, but I feel I need to put a dialogue out there, that let's others know that if they really need someone, there is at least one who understands. When I was a teenager, I was suffering the usual teenage angst. I felt I wasn't loved, I felt I wasn't worth anything, that I would never achieve anything. I distinctly remember sitting at my desk in my bedroom, feeling as if I was in a black pit and picking up a stanley blade, or box cutter if you prefer. I rested it on my wrist and contemplated pulling it across to end my pain and despair. The silly thing is that I had no idea what I was doing and would have probably not succeeded, except to bleed a lot and feel a lot of agony. I don't know what eventually stopped me but I must have sat there for a good ten minutes with the blade on my wrist. After those ten or so minutes were up, I put the blade away. I didn't take my life obviously, but I kept feeling lots of moments of despair, self-doubt and blackness that at times were overwhelming. I even had a few times where I could feel I was on the precipice of depression. It scared me to look over that edge, so I crawled back away from it, thankfully.

When my first marriage ended, it was my wife that left me. She wanted to take my two boys back to the UK, and the courts had given her permission to do that. In the space of a year, I had lost my grandmother to lung cancer, my mother to pancreatic cancer, my marriage had failed, I lost the right to keep my kids in the country, my finances were screwed up, and I was miserable. Again, the thing that we call in Australia, the black dog, was creeping up on me and the pain got worse and worse. I was in a bit of a free-fall and I wondered how I would get out of it. It seemed there was no light at the end of the tunnel and there was one easy way to end all the pain. I toyed with it many times, driving my car, thinking about how to do it through a fatal car crash, handling knives and thinking how best to bleed quickly. There were many ways I contemplated it.

Again, I couldn't bring myself to take that last little step. That state of mind, the despair, the pain, the not wanting to continue with the pain, carried me through another marriage and another 12 years or so. It wasn't always black and horrible, but it was always on the periphery of my mind, like a moth around a light globe, dancing in and out, always letting me know it was there. I don't know how I got through it. Looking back, I still couldn't tell you, but I'm glad I did. It was probably the day I sat down and really examined my life, and developed The 7 Big Questions that I started to get rid of the black dog. It wasn't an easy journey getting away from the black dog, but it's one I'm so glad I took.

Looking back now, I realise that it was stupid and foolish of me to not talk to a friend about it, or even phone a help-line of some sort. It would have made the journey easier, me less of a victim and saved me a lot of time. So what I'm doing for you, is asking 'Are you okay?' Are you struggling? Do you need a shoulder? I'm telling you that you can get through it, it is possible. Not easy, but possible. Reach out to someone, a trusted friend, a help-line, a counsellor, even me. Don't fight this on your own and for heavens sake, don't take that final step. You have wonderful gifts you can bring to the world, and if you take that last step, we may never get to find out what they are and that would be a tragedy. Reach out, know that you're not alone. I ask you again 'Are you okay?'

Wayne Brown is a facilitator and promoter for life change. Contact him at

the7bigquestions@yahoo.com or www.the7bigquestions.com

or listen to his podcasts at www.the7bigquestions.podomatic.com

WHAT RESTAURANT ARE YOU EATING AT?

There is a young lady that my lady and I know. We'll call her Maggie. My lady was telling her how I look after her by helping with cooking, cleaning etc and I bring her coffee in bed. Maggie was very envious and wished her boyfriend was more like me. She said that I was a nice guy and that's what nice guys do. I tried to give her an analogy about how I view my relationship. I said that I have eaten in some restaurants that had crappy food and now I have a limited edition dish that I enjoy very much and don't want to eat crappy food again. She didn't quite get it, but my lady enjoyed being called a limited edition dish. Once I thought about it, it is like the following;

Imagine you live in a small town and there is only one restaurant. If you want to go out for dinner, you have to go there. The problem is that every time you go there, the food is horrible, it's either cold, bland, or the wrong order, but it's the only option you have so you put up with it.

Then one day, you go in at a time and day different to when you normally go. The atmosphere is completely different to when you normally go in. As you sit down and read the menu, you notice a dish you've never heard of on the menu. You decide to give it a try. When your meal arrives, the food is cooked wonderfully, it tastes great, it's not too hot and it melts in your mouth. You ask the waiter, why they don't normally serve that dish. He informs you that they do, it is just on certain days and you have to meet certain criteria to be eligible. You then make a decision that you are going to always meet those criteria, and go down there on the certain days, because you want more of that great food.

So it is with relationships. We have to meet certain criteria, and we have to be aware that the dish is even there. I know that I have eaten at delicatessens, roadside diners, bistros and even a few roadside vendors. I have now sampled a restaurant menu, and I know I want more of it and will never settle for anything else ever again. My lady is a lovely dish that really gets my taste buds going. I know that sounds weird but it's true. I'm able to be me, to be loved and loving, to be encourages and supported as well as held accountable. It is truly wonderful. The sad thing is that before I met my lady, I thought relationships had to be like dining at bistros and roadside vendors. They don't! I want to be a diner who deserves to be served a great dish and I look forward to fine dining for many years. You now have to ask yourself 'What restaurant are you eating at?'

Wayne Brown is a facilitator and promoter for life change. Contact him at

the7bigquestions@yahoo.com or www.the7bigquestions.com

or listen to his podcasts at www.the7bigquestions.podomatic.com