I
hope your Christmas and New Year went well. Here we stand on the
cusp of a New Year. As we stand together surveying the landscape in
front of us, full of possibilities, opportunities and potential, we
ask ourselves 'How much of it will I travel over, or will I sit here
for quite some time and then wander on just a little bit, like I did
last year?'
Every
year we have a chance to do it all over again and usually most people
don't seize on anything, they keep doing the same thing over and over
again. I want to put in here a bit of an e-mail I received some time
ago which I believe that if you read regularly would help keep you
motivated in your change for a better life.
For
many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who
had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I
was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People
grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned
never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes
were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected,
denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance.
Every single patient found their peace before they departed though,
every one of them.
When
questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do
differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the
most common five:
1.
I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the
life others expected of me.
This
was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their
life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see
how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not
honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it
was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It
is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams
along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too
late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer
have it.
2.
I wish I didn't work so hard.
This
came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their
children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke
of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of
the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I
nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the
treadmill of a work existence.
By
simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the
way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And
by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open
to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3.
I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many
people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.
As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became
who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses
relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We
cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may
initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,
in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier
level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from
your life. Either way, you win.
4.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often
they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until
their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down.
Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let
golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep
regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they
deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It
is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But
when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details
of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in
order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true
importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the
benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and
weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and
relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final
weeks, love and relationships.
5.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This
is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that
happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and
habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their
emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them
pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content.
When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in
their life again.
When
you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from
your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long
before you are dying.
Life
is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely,
choose honestly. Choose happiness.
I know that for myself I have been
trying to integrate these rules into my life as well as some that I
have developed. It is at times difficult because it moves me out of
my comfort zone and away from what others expect of me but I know
that the third and fifth theme listed here are becoming more and more
present in my life and that is a fantastic feeling, to be able to
feel so much happier and freer of the expectations put on me by
others.
I encourage you to not only
consider these themes in the context of your own life but to look at
the impact of The 7 Big Questions on your life as well. It takes
time to integrate all of these changes into your life, but it is so
worth it. Ask for my free e-book and let me know how you're getting
on (I enjoy the dialogues) at the7bigquestions@yahoo.com
Wayne
Brown is a facilitator and promoter for life change. Contact him at
or
listen to his podcasts at
www.the7bigquestions.podomatic.com